Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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