I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize