the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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