He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
