me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
