Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
