It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
