My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
