I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
