So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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