note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Please don't give away my fajitas
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