so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people