Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
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Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
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can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way