I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.