Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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