never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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