Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
