Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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