the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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