So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
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On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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