So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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