Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Randomize