i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
