remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize
