nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
