K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
