i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
