You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
