If i come over, it means nothing
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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