we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
