My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
