I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
