ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
