I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
