Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
