OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
