Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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