I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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