No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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