I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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