hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
