Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
