so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
