im six kinds of drunk right now
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
