i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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