I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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