On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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