FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
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Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize