i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
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My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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