Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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