Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize