Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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