I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
