the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
