He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
