Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
