i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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