Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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