I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
