Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Enjoy the penises
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I party with great urgency now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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