I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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